Why Is This So Flipping Hard?

Why is this so flipping hard? That is the question I am asking myself these days. Why is it that I can sail along for MONTHS at a time, nearly a year, eating well and staying on plan then suddenly for weeks to a month, it is incredibly hard and boring and I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE? Why do I feel like that?

If I had the answer to that question, if we ALL had the answer to that question, it may explain why we continue to go off track and gain weight back. It is the cycle that hits me EVERYTIME I lose weight. It starts with just a cheat "here and there". Then it goes into a "few days on, a few days off". That's where I'm at now. Then it leads into all out JUST OFF THE PLAN. That is what I'm trying to avoid. I know you have seen me post this description of this cycle several times lately. I haven't forgotten that I've already posted it and discussed it with you all. I just KEEP posting it because I KEEP following this vicious cycle and maybe posting about it will help me understand it. WHO KNOWS?

I started back on plan last week and did well Mon-Thurs, completely within points/calorie range and even fit in a few days of walking. Then the weekend hits and I'm like Points who? Count what calories? Its like the weekend is free time and that free time must be used to eat everything that I'm not supposed to eat during the week before Monday gets here. Help me jump off this train PLEASE!

Then the rationalization begins. Then I tell myself, Oh, its just a few days. You have done so well. You've lost alot of weight. You are smaller than you've been in YEARS. A few days won't hurt you. No, a few days won't. But you know and I know that it won't stop at a few days. Those few days lead to a few more and a few more then to weeks and months and a YEAR off of plan. Which leads to a few more pounds and a few larger pants sizes!

Losing weight brings us freedom. And once we start to feel freedom we think its okay to slack up some and have some freedom in our food choices. But that inevitably, for me at least, leads to too much freedom and too many bad choices. If you feel me and you are struggling as well, or if you have given yourself too much freedom and made some bad choices lately, let me know what YOU are doing to get back on track.

I know we can all only take it one day at a time and one choice or decision at a time. But sometimes it all feels very overwhelming!
I'm going by the store on the way home tonight to stock up on fresh fruits and veggies for this week. I'm really into butternut squash lately. Yummy!

Feeling a bit depressed about many things and hoping that I won't let that lead me into a whole week off track.

Hope everyone has a good start to their week.

I'm Still Here

I know that I haven't blogged in a while, but I am still checking in and reading everyone else's posts. I too, like many of us, have been struggling with sticking to plan lately. I have fallen (or thrown myself) into the rut of a "cheat here and there", which led to "on a few days, off a few days", which USUALLY leads right into "completely off for a month." I am TRYING to stop it at this point. This time of year is really hard for me as I'm sure it is for many. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, baking, cold weather, all of those things leading us to want to eat comfort foods and goodies. This healthy lifestyle is a constant struggle and one that I don't always succeed at. I have not been going overboard. I have not purchased ONE PINT of Ben and Jerry's. I have not visited McDonald's for the McRib (whose return I have anxiously been waiting for!). I have not purchased a dozen donoughts. But I have had my slips here and there. I have had my days of eating everything in sight! All that I can do is try again every day.

I'm doing well this week. I have managed to stay within points/calories both Monday and Tuesday and I have also walked the neighborhood for about 30 minutes each of those days. Today it is gloomy and cold and its one of those days where I just want to curl up on the couch and eat something yummy. So, I will struggle and I may succeed and I may fail. But I can do nothing more than continue to try everyday.

I'll also admit that I have been putting off posting because I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say that I had been failing, so I just didn't say anything at all. BUT that in itself is a failure too. I have to be accountable and letting you all know that I am struggling and have made some bad decisions is a part of that.

Its really easy to make those bad decisions, but its hard as heck to admit to them and write them down and live with them! If that is all so hard, then why don't I remember that BEFORE making the bad decision?

I have a plan for today. I have eaten lightly for breakfast, am planning a low points lunch and a really yummy dinner of Turkey meatloaf and butternut squash. I have planned my points out and am looking forward to dinner. I'll let you know tomorrow if I followed through with my planning and made good decisions.

Have a great day!

Wednesday

I came thisclose to having pizza for dinner last night and it was all MY idea. Hubby saved me though. Here's how the conversation went. Hubby: What are you having for dinner? (he asks me this EVERY night). Me: Pizza? Hubby: No, you can't have pizza (not meaning I CAN'T but meaning I'm NOT eating that lately because I'm doing well). Me: But I had a bad, stressful day. Hubby: I just had pizza for lunch yesterday. Me: C'mon Hubby: No, I don't want pizza. Me: You suck....

LOL

But as usual I was glad he held firm later when I didn't go to bed feeling heavy, too full and guilty for eating pizza and hot wings.

The desire to cheat is always there, hiding under the surface. I will be going along for days or weeks at a time, just fine eating healthy but that desire and those cravings are always there waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump out at me. I had a craving for turkey meatloaf and had already been to the store to get the stuff I needed and then add a bad afternoon at work and a gloomy, rainy day and I was all ready to order a pizza. But, thanks to hubby, I made the turkey meatloaf. I made the 1/4 recipe and it made 4 slices which is much better with only myself eating it. I had one slice for dinner with the leftover squash and zucchini and some green beans. It was yummy!

Here's my food for Wednesday:
Breakfast: 1 packet maple and brown sugar oatmeal
Lunch: Lean Cuisine Grilled Chicken Primavera
Snack: 1 cup fresh pineapple and 1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese
Dinner: 1 slice turkey meatloaf with ketchup, 1 cup squash, zucchini and onion and green beans
Dessert: 90 calorie granola bar, peach greek yogurt and 1 cup blackberries

Totals for the day: 26 points, 1,382 calories, 101.4 oz. water

I have noticed something this week. When I detour from my standard egg, english muffin and turkey sausage for breakfast, I get hungry earlier and way before lunch time. I had oatmeal for breakfast yesterday and cereal with skim milk and 1/2 a banana this morning. Both mornings, my stomach was growling just a few hours later! When I eat my egg breakfast, my stomach doesn't growl. Hmmmmmm. Is it the protein in the egg that is keeping me fuller? What do you all usually eat for breakfast and does it keep you full until lunch?
Suggestions for new breakfast ideas that won't leaving me hungry in a few hours? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for listening and for all of your kind comments as we traverse this journey together.

Have a great day and be good to yourself

Til tommorow

Monday & Tuesday

I've had a good week so far. I've been eating alot of fruit and loving fresh fruit and greek yogurt for dessert. I missed posting yesterday because I didn't make it to the office. I ripped my last contact lens and my back up glasses are broken and there is NO driving for me because I can't see the stop lights! So, I had to stay home all day (gosh darn!) and catch up on my TIVO. It felt like I ate ALOT yesterday, even though I was within my points/calories range and I ate my meals/snacks around the same time as I usually do. But since I was sitting around at home watching tv, it FELT like I ate alot or was eating all the time! But I was successful in staying on track because usually sitting at home all day would trigger a binge for sure.

Here's my food for Monday/Tuesday:

Monday:
Breakfast: A hardboiled egg and 1 patty of turkey sausage
Lunch: Smart Ones Salisbury Steak with Asparagus
Snack: 1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese and an apple
Dinner: Boneless, skinless chicken breast marinated in a Garlic Balsamic marinade with 1/2 cup couscous and 1 cup of squash, zucchini and onion sauteed with Smart Balance light butter.
Dessert: A pear and a greek yogurt

Totals: 26 points, 1,241 calories and approx. 30 minute walk

Tuesday:
Breakfast: 1 whole egg, a light, multigrain english muffin and 1 turkey sausage patty
Lunch: Tuna salad with celery, light Miracle Whip, mustard and sweet salad cubes on 2 slices of toasted wheat bread
Snack: 1 cup pineapple and 1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese
Dinner: 2 chicken soft tacos with fat free sour cream, lowfat cheese, salsa and lettuce
Dessert: 1 cup pineapple and a pineapple greek yogurt

Totals: 26 points, 1,289 calories

I started back walking this week and made it one day so far. LOL. I wanted to walk yesterday but without being able to see well, I didn't want to chance busting my hiney in the neighborhood. Today it is chilly and gloomy so I'm not sure if I will or not. I KNOW these are excuses but I have the hardest time getting back on track with my exercise!

I'm making a turkey meatloaf for dinner tonight. Got a sudden craving for it and had most of the ingredients at home. I usually make a 1/2 recipe and it's still too much with just myself eating it since Heather is at school. I hate to waste it so this time I'm making a 1/4 recipe. I'll probably pair it with the leftover squash and some green beans. YUMMO

Hope everyone is having an awesome week and being good to themselves.

Til tomorrow

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Well, the weekend wasn't a complete failure but it wasn't a complete success either. I stayed on track on Friday, ending the day with 22 points and 1,152 calories. Saturday, hubby decided he wanted to go to the fair which is funny because EVERY year, Heather and I want to go and he DOESN'T. But this year, he decided we should go. I tried to talk him out of it somewhat. I suggested the mall or bowling. He DID offer to do something else if I didn't want to go but I said no, that's okay. Partly because he always does what I want to do and I wanted him to have a day of something he would enjoy. And partly because I LOVE the fair and part of me wanted to go.

I did very well at the fair I think. I ate a hardboiled egg before I left the house and we walked ALOT. About 2 1/2-3 hours of nearly non-stop walking at the fair. I debated about what I was going to eat at the fair and ended up with a chicken pita which consisted of a large pita bread, some grilled pieces of chicken and I chose to top mine with the sauteed onions and peppers rather than the lettuce, tomatoes and mayo which was how it was usually served. I think it was one of the better choices I could've made for lunch at the fair. I then debated on a sweet. I was going to allow myself one sweet. I debated on kettle corn, a funnel cake or a chocolate covered frozen banana. I ruled out the kettle corn because it was a HUGE bag and I knew hubby wouldn't eat it which would mean I would end up carrying it home and I did NOT need it in the house. Then, while I was debating on the funnel cake or banana, I suddenly wanted a piece of roast corn which was in my face at every direction I turned! I wound up with NONE of the above. I ended up with an Orangeaide drink instead and that was all I indulged in at the fair: a chicken pita and an Orangeaide.

I was proud of the fact that instead of eating everything I wanted, I actually debated and weighed out the better choices and said NO. I said NO to the deep fried oreos and snickers and NO to a 2 ft. long bag of kettle corn and NO to a cheese burger using Krispy Kreme donoughts as buns (how is that EVEN good?).
So, I was pretty good I think on Saturday. I left the fair and went home and had a bone-in bbq chicken breast and some broccoli with white cheddar sauce for dinner and a greek yogurt for dessert.

Now, Sunday I didn't do so well. I did not track my points at all on Saturday or Sunday. I have done this before. I get past one obstacle (the fair) and succeed and then turn around and sabotage myself another way. This time I did pretty well at the fair, then turned around and made bad choices on Sunday. First, I skipped breakfast so I was hungry by the time we got to the restaurant for lunch. I ordered a grilled chicken salad with ranch dressing which isn't TOO bad considering the other options. BUT, I did order a side order of onion rings. I ended up eating the whole salad with about 2/3 of the dressing I was served. I ate about 5 of the onion rings and left the rest. Later that afternoon I ate some bbq chips that hubby had put in the house ( I don't buy chips). Then I ended the day with a steak and baked sweet potatoe with butter, cinnamon and brown sugar.

While I wouldn't say that the weekend was a total success, it wasn't a total failure either. My past cheats would've consisted of spending the whole weekend consuming whatever I was craving and whatever I wouldn't be able to eat "before going back on plan". I didn't do that this time. I balanced some good choices with some not so great choices but it wasn't all bad.

Although I know I didn't do as bad as my usual "cheat", I still see a bad pattern emerging. I cheated a bit last weekend, a bit last week and a bit this weekend. That means I'm allowing myself too much room for cheating. That is how it usually starts. I cheat a day here and there and then it turns to 3 days on and 4 days off plan, then it turns to completely off plan for months. I cannot let that happen this time. I will not let my day here and there turn into months off plan and pounds back on me.

On a good note, I grocery shopped yesterday and stocked up on really good things for the week. I got apples, pears, bananas, blackberries, greek yogurt, celery, zuchinni, squash, boneless chicken, ground turkey and light, multigrain english muffins. I have plans on some turkey tacos, and chicken with couscous, squash and zuchinni for dinners this week.

FMM

Friend Makin' Mondays

Thank You Kenz for this week's FMM question. It comes at a perfect time since I have been thinking about Fall/Winter and all of the things I love most about them, including the holidays. This week's question is What is Your Favorite Holiday and What Makes it Special to You?

My favorite holiday is Christmas. Truthfully I love all of the fall and winter holidays and just love the seasons in general and everything that comes with them. I love the cooler weather and the leave changes and the fair in October. I love Thanksgiving and Black Friday and my daughter's birthday in November. But my favorite holiday is Christmas with Thanksgiving being a close second. I love everything about Christmas. I love the cooler weather, I love the Christmas decorations that you seen when you drive down the road and the lights at nighttime. I love the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping and I love picking that perfect gift for someone and wrapping it beautifully and seeing their expression when they open a gift that I have spent time either making especially for them, or given alot of thought into getting for them. What makes Christmas special to me is spending time with my family. I love having to drag my husband and daughter to the tree lot to pick out a Christmas tree, and I love "convincing" them that we have to decorate it while drinking hot chocolate and listening to Christmas music. I love waking up early on Christmas morning to watch my daughter open her gifts. I love now that she's 18, how I"m more excited than she is and I'm the one dragging her out of bed on Christmas morning. I love watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas every year even though I'm 37 years old.  I love baking homemade goodies for all of my family and taking them over care packages of brownies, cookies and treats. But most of all, I love spending Christmas day with my family and enjoying a big meal that hubby and I cooked together, and lounging around the house in our pajamas. You could take away all the gifts and just give me a day in my pj's with my family and I'd love Christmas just as much. Its a magical and special time of the year.

I slipped but I did not fall

Made a bad dinner decision last night. I ate good all day long, tracking my points and calories and leaving enough for chicken soft tacos for dinner and yogurt for dessert. Then hubby came home and asked "whats for dinner?". As much as I would like to blame him, I cannot. Because it was me who said "Pizza?". Usually he wouldn't agree for several reasons: 1-don't need to spend money with a house full of food, 2- don't feel like going back to town, 3-doesn't really sound good. But last night he was on board and although I debated with myself and changed my mind a few times, I still picked up the phone and ordered it!

So, I had already had 13 points and 692 calories for the day before dinner arrived. I ate 1 hot wing, 2 pieces of pizza and a BIG salad hubby had made me at the salad bar. Now, before you get all excited and say well she ate a big salad, she didn't do that bad...lemme finish..lol. Hubby had made me a salad he was really proud of, full of cheese. He made sure to tell me he had even layered some cheese on the bottom and cheese on the top. LOL. Bless his heart, he doesn't know any better. He's so used to me having ate that way for 20 years that he thinks its the status quo. I then of course added Ranch dressing (lite mind you) and croutons therefore taking my "salad" and turning it into a fat fest. I felt appropriately guilty after eating that dinner, as I should have.

BUT, the side of me that rationalizes these types of choices says that I once heard that its what you do 90% of the time, not 10% of the time. The NEW me, the one who eats healthy, makes good choices 90% of the time and bad 10% or less, so I'm not going to beat myself up over that ONE meal yesterday. As my post title says, I slipped but I did not fall. I'm back on track today and hoping that my cheat on Thursday doesn't lead into a cheat on Friday and all weekend like it usually would. I started out this morning by putting the leftover pizza down the disposal. I know that's wasteful and I'm sorry for that, but if I hadn't done it, I'd be shoving a piece in my mouth about 4:00 today.

Like I said before, I'm taking it one decision at a time. Last night's dinner was a bad decision. So, here's to hoping that I have a good weekend of good decisions. Hubby and I were supposed to go to the fair, but I have decided that I don't think I want to go. 1- It is too much temptation and I know I will fall off plan and 2- I would rather take the money and buy myself some new clothes since mine are too big for me now!

Here's hoping you all have a great weekend of good decisions too!